It’s Coming… The Holiday Season Is On The Way!
Believe it or not, the holidays are not far away! With holidays often come blended stress. I remember how hard those Pre-Nacho days were for us!
The next upcoming holiday here is Halloween. Which really isn’t a holiday, in my opinion, because you don’t get off from work for it. Anyway, with Halloween approaching, that means other holidays are on their way! Whether we like it or not!
Blended Holiday Stress
Holidays can be stressful for everyone in the blend. For example, when some bio parents don’t have their kid on a special occasion, it can often make them upset or depressed, and even angry. They feel they are missing out on a time in their kid’s life that they can’t get back. It sucks.
Stepparents can often feel they have no control over their own life because of schedule changes with the stepkids. In addition, stepparents may not have a good relationship with the stepkid, which can cause stress for both or for everyone in the blend.
The stepkids may feel stressed because the bio parent that they are not with is upset. There are so many emotions tied into the blend. We tend to discount that everyone is going through something in this blended mess. It’s hard to realize others are struggling as well because we are so focused on our hurt and what we are feeling.
Stepfamilies trying to “blend” have challenges on a good day, add in the holidays and it can be some of the most stressful times in a blend. Christmas and New Year’s can be very emotional holidays for people in general, which is proven by the high suicide rates at that time of year.
For The Bio Parent
- If your kid is going to be with the ex for Halloween, take the kid to a fall festival sometime during the month. Kids often dress up for fall festivals, so you can experience that part of it.
- If your kid is with you, take a picture for the other parent if you have a decent co-parenting relationship with them. If not, then don’t send it. You’ll have it for memories.
- If you want to dress your kid up in a certain outfit/costume but the other bio parent sent another one, let the kid choose.
- Remember, holidays can be hard on others in the blend. Be kind.
Lesson Learned
One of the many things I have learned being a bio parent and a stepparent to kids that have to go for visitation on holidays/special occasions is it doesn’t matter if you don’t celebrate on the actual day. What matters is the experience, not the calendar day.
For The Stepparent
- Focus on you. If the other bio parent sends an outfit or costume for the kid, and you wanted them to dress up in something else. Step back. Saying this to you with love, “this isn’t about you”. Let the bio parent handle it. It’s their kid, it’s their ex, it’s their issue to handle. No disrespect to the stepparent, it is the truth.
- Remember that your significant other may be a little down in the dumps because they aren’t with their kid on special occasions. Be kind.
- If you don’t want to participate in special occasions with the stepkids, don’t. When someone does something they don’t really want to do, they often bring others around them down. Let them go and have a good time without the presence of someone that is miserable being there.
- If you need help dealing with the stress of the blend, remember you are not alone. Consider the Nacho Kids Academy or coaching from a stepfamily coach that you feel comfortable with. Don’t wait until it’s too late to get help, this stepmom gig is hard!