Frequently Asked Questions

What does NachoKids™ mean? I don’t get it.

NachoKids™ is a play of words on the phrase “Not Your Kids”. Say “Not your kids” quickly and it sounds like Nacho Kids.

What is Nachoing and the NachoKids™ Method?

Nachoing is what we call the act of using the NachoKids™ Method and the NachoKids™ Method is the process (or art) used to reasonably and appropriately disengage and re-engage dynamically as necessary.

The name NachoKids™ sounds mean and insensitive. Why would one say that about their stepkids?

It’s a pun and more importantly, it is reality. They are not your kids. By law they are not your kids. By birth they are not your kids. By the natural forces that be, they are not your kids.

Why disengage?

By stepping back from the parenting of the stepkids, you open the space for your significant other to step up. Some may need a bit of a push, but their kids are their responsibility and you did not marry them to take over their parental roles.

What if I disengage and my significant other doesn’t step up?

Then that’s what happens. It identifies things the significant other needs to work on. You have to be realistic in your disengaging and you also have to take things slowly. It’s a process. Your significant other isn’t going to turn into June Cleaver or Andy Griffith overnight. If they let their kids walk all over them and manipulate them, then that’s their choice. They are the parent. You can only hope to have a positive influence on them.

If I don’t parent the stepkids, then what is my role?

Your role is to help the bio parent with their kids if they ask for it. Your help should not be assumed.

The stepkids’ bio mother is horrible to me, what do I do?

You Nacho her too!  Why are you dealing with her, she’s your significant other’s baggage, not yours.

How long does the NachoKids™ Method take?

As with nuclear families, the dynamics of blended families change over time. This is the same for the NachoKids™ Method. You adapt it to your needs wherever you are at that point in time and change as your blend does.

How many levels or stages are there of Nachoing?

There are a gazillion trillion because everyone’s situations are different. So many variables have to be considered. We do however, have Nachoing broken up into three main levels for categorical purposes. We also consider re-engaging as one of the stages of the NachoKids™ Method.

Do I have to disengage forever?

No. The ultimate goal of NachoKids™ is to re-engage in a different role when the time is right. Some may never choose to re-engage, and that’s ok. If you choose to re-engage, we can walk you through that process as well.


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