The Instinct to Mother
For many stepmoms, the mothering role comes naturally. We tend to want to take care of the stepkids. As stepmoms, we often automatically feel the need help make sure they are doing what they are supposed to in school. We cook for them, do their laundry, play taxi, etc. When things go south, as many times they do, we may choose to stop being so involved. We may choose to Nacho Supreme or only Nacho certain things. When we step back, it isn’t easy. Not only because we are trying to keep our mouth shut, but because we are fighting our instinctive need to mother.
Bio Kids Versus Step Kids
It’s especially hard if you have a child of your own. You parent them, you mother them, you care for them, you love them. Then it comes to your stepkid and you have to make an effort to not parent them and not mother them. They have a mother and your “mothering” them is not always wanted, needed, or accepted. So, you have to fight the urge to do this with them.
Fighting Your Instincts
You are going against your natural instincts. Instead of just acting instinctively, you have to think before you act with the stepkids. You can’t just act or respond as you do with your own kids. Because if you do, then you are being mean to them or picking on them. Or they will start complaining to their dad about you, putting him in the middle. No matter how you treat your stepkid, it will be judged. You will not be seen as treating them fairly, even if you treat them as you do your own kids.
Remember, They Are Nacho Kids!
You have to remember, they are Nacho Kids. They don’t have the bond with you they do with their parents. And they don’t look at you telling them things the same as if it comes from their parents. Your telling them to brush their teeth may come from a loving place, but they take it as you being the evil stepmother.
It Doesn’t Always Have To Be This Way
The goal of the Nacho Kids method is to re-engage with the stepkids. Once you re-engage, you can mother them more without having to fight that instinct. They will have a bond with you that will help them understand it is coming from a place of love, not “control”.
Different Personalities, Different Places
Look at it like this, you don’t act as crazy at work as you do at home. Well, most people don’t. You tailor your actions or personality based on your environment. You have to do the same as a stepmom. Be a stepmom and be a mom all in the same moment because that’s what your surroundings call for.