Ignored By The Stepkid
There are different ways a stepkid can ignore a stepparent. One way is ignoring the stepparent when they tell the stepkid to do something. Another way is if the stepparent says “Hello.” and the stepkid doesn’t respond. Oh, and let’s not forget when the stepkid ignores the stepparent by addressing everyone in the room except the stepparent.
Being Ignored Hurts
As we know, being ignored can be very hurtful. It can make us feel like we don’t matter or that we are less than others. Let’s face it, when we are ignored, we take it personally.
Why Do They Do It?
Are the stepkids ignoring the stepparent just to be rude/disrespectful to the stepparent? Maybe. They could be doing it for many reasons. It could be because of their loyalty binds to their other bio parent. Maybe the other bio parent has told the stepkid it would hurt them if the stepkid liked the stepparent. It could be because the other bio parent has said things about the stepparent and made the stepkid think the stepparent is a bad person, or even that the stepparent was responsible for the break up of the bio parents. Or, it could simply be because the stepkid has just had a bad day and doesn’t feel like talking.
What Can You Do?
If the stepkid comes in and you say “Hello.” and they ignore you, stop saying anything to them when they come in. This will prevent you from getting hurt when they don’t respond. And if you are like most stepparents, if you greet the stepkids and they don’t respond, you get angry and share your frustrations with your partner. As a result, that usually makes them annoyed that you are complaining about their kid. By not engaging, you not only prevent yourself from getting hurt, but you also prevent a bad interaction between you and your partner.
The same goes for if you tell the stepkid to do something and they ignore you. Stop telling them to do things. Instead, ask your significant other to do those things. For example, if the stepkid is supposed to take out the trash, instead of asking the stepkid to do it, ask your significant other to. Then your significant other can decide if they want to tell their kid to take out the trash or if they want to just do it themselves.
What if the stepkid comes in the room and acknowledges everyone but you? Yep, you respond the same way by not responding/not engaging. Don’t focus on their ignoring you, instead focus on your partner or your kids, or whoever else is in the room at the time.
But You’re The Adult
I get it. I was raised during a time that if an adult spoke to me and I didn’t speak back, I had to deal with the wrath of my mom and that was never pleasant. We have to remember this blended family stuff is hard and there are so many different layers of emotions. You have to give the stepkids grace and space! Remember, they are struggling with the blended changes too; it’s not just you.
It’s Not Always About You
It is hard not to take things personally, especially when the actions are directed toward you. But most of the time, it’s not about you; it’s what you represent. You represent their parents will never get back together. You may be a reminder of their absent bio parent. They may be afraid you will take their bio parent away from them. There are so many reasons a stepkid could choose not to acknowledge or engage with you, but things won’t always be this way.
Be Thankful
I know you are thinking, “What?!?”. Yes, be thankful. Be thankful the stepkid isn’t coming in and screaming at you. Be thankful that things won’t always be this way. Remember, you didn’t date the stepkids. You didn’t marry the stepkids. Focus on your relationship with your partner. Time changes things, including people.