Nope, I Didn’t Say Hello
When I started the Nachoing, I didn’t say hello to my stepkids when they returned from their moms. I know some of you reading this are thinking, “How dare you! You are the adult!” Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably would have thought the same thing pre-Nacho.
Why I Didn’t
It was pretty simple. When I said hello, and they didn’t respond, it made me angry! In turn, I would tell my husband that he should make them say hello to me and acknowledge me. So, not only was their not responding to me a trigger, it made me pressure my husband to “fix” his kids.
What Happened When I Didn’t
Amazingly when I stopped saying hello to them when they came back, it lowered the stress in the home! It lowered my stress when I didn’t initiate the “hello” conversation with them because I eliminated the trigger associated with them not responding to me. My not “bombarding” the stepkids with my cheerful welcomes lowered their stress. It gave them time to come in and get settled in without expectations.
It Wasn’t About Me
As stepparents, we often take things the stepkids do that hurt us personally. Thankfully through the Nacho process, I realized it wasn’t about me. Maybe they didn’t respond to my greeting because they had a bad day. Possibly it could have been because they felt they were being disloyal to their mom if they liked me. It could simply have been that they needed time to “breathe” when they came in rather than being welcomed like they just came to the circus.
Before I Knew It
Before I knew it, the stepkids would come in and say hey to me! Or they would ask their dad if I was home because they couldn’t wait to tell me something. Trust the process! It works!
Trust The Process
A lot of times the Nacho Parenting method may seem counterintuitive, but you have to trust the process. If you are Nachoing properly and doing it out of love, you will reap the benefits.