Shhhh… Don’t tell anyone
To say being a stepmom is hard, is a drastic understatement. For many, it’s the hardest thing they will ever have to do. That’s confirmed by the failure rate of stepfamilies/blended families. You have to wonder when something is so hard, why don’t more stepmoms get help? The truth is, many stepmoms are ashamed to admit they are struggling. Is it because other stepmoms judge them? Or maybe because we were raised to not “air our dirty laundry”? Could it be because we have read stories about other stepmoms who don’t struggle and it makes them feel like failures? It could even be because we are embarrassed to not have a perfect life.
For many stepmoms, the only help they get is through Facebook groups. They join Facebook groups looking for support, only to be bashed by other stepmoms because they don’t love the stepkids like their own or because they don’t want to be more of a parent to the stepkid than the bio parents are. Stepmoms are afraid to share their true feelings. They feel guilty for feeling the way they do and feel they are alone in this struggle.
Once we connect with others in situations similar to our own, we no longer feel like we are crazy. We realize others are struggling too. This is an eye-opening moment for many. It helps us feel “connected”. This can help stepmoms tremendously!
Unfortunately, having contact with the groups of people going through what we are going through can also cause more harm than good. We can read their post on Facebook and it can trigger us. It can make us remember a time where we had a similar issue and that can bring back all those feelings we had in that situation back up. We all know emotions are tied to memories, so this is understandable.
Reading someone else’s comment or post can cause us to get angry for the other person. While reading their post/comment we often feel their significant other unsupportive or is unreasonable, and even though it’s not our situation, this upsets us. Empaths especially can struggle to be in stepparent groups because there is a lot of struggles. The anger or the memories of our past hurt can easily carry over into our present-day lives. We have to work on not letting this happen.
Don’t be ashamed, get help!
It’s best if we can get information to help us without fear of judgment and by getting support, while not hearing/reading constant negativity. To get help quickly without digging through thousands of Facebook posts to find a similar situation to ours for advice. Keep in mind, the majority of advice in a Facebook group is given by people who are also struggling. Thus, their advice is not usually productive or helpful. The majority of these stepparents in these groups don’t know what to do any more than you do to help their blended mess. Don’t be afraid to reach out in other areas for help.
The Nacho Kids Academy can help you!
We created the Nacho Kids Academy to help you learn to Nacho properly and get quality help without privacy concerns, and without worrying about getting attacked/judged by others. Too many times we see the response to a stepmom in Facebook groups is, “I’d leave if I were you.” From a “Nachoing” perspective, this is not a solution we suggest unless it is an abusive situation on or safety concern. Why leave because you are struggling? The probability of ending up in another blended relationship is quite high. Yes, it’s easier to throw in the towel, but anything worth having doesn’t come easily. Work through it. Keep pressing forward. Find what works for you! Learning to step back emotionally can be life changing for your blend! Let us teach you how!