One thing I have learned as a mom and a NachoMom is every day has to be a clean slate. Everyone in the new Nacho family will have their struggles and feelings will get hurt but those feelings cannot be at the forefront of your thought process. If you normally fix the NachoKids drink at dinner, don’t stop doing it. If you find yourself thinking, “I’m not fixing THEM a drink”… time for a break… your feelings are overriding rationality.
When a NachoKid complains about the NachoParent, the NachoParent can feel hurt, sad, angry and a bit betrayed. The NachoParent may think “Here I am doing all this stuff for the NachoKid and she “hates” me”. First reaction, “see if I do anything else for her”. Second reaction, “This isn’t working”. Third reaction, “I’m just going to ignore them”. Note: Ignore whomever you need to in order to calm down and be able to handle the situation without so much emotion. If you start talking about it and feel the emotion overwhelming you, stop and take a break.
Once you have calmed down, try to look at it from the NachoKids’ point of view. It makes sense these NachoKids would not like you if you come in bringing structure, rules and discipline they are not used to. So, what does this mean… It means you have hit one of the many rough patches of being in a NachoFamily (Blended family). It does not mean this is the end. This means that you have to figure out a system to remove yourself from the situation that bothers you or stresses you out. At first this may take a few days to be able to look at the NachoKid without filtering through the rage feeling you have. At times you may feel like a hermit or imposter more than a family member because you find the best way to deal with the situation is to not be part of the family unit at the moment. This too is only temporary. If you need to, watch 1000 episodes of House Hunters International in order to calm down enough to be able to live amongst everyone without being angry, hurt or stressed.
We all mess up… young, old, moms, dads, grandparents, brothers, sisters… ALL of us… At times we all want, better yet, NEED a clean slate. We all have the power to give someone a clean slate and keep building the relationship. That power is forgiveness. I’m not a NachoKid, but I know I sure am glad my Diddy forgave me when I was 3 and kicked a rock at him and told him I wished it would have killed him. Yep, I was born with attitude apparently. In hindsight, of course I wish I never would have said those things to my dad. That hurt him. Yet, he forgave me but I can promise you he has not forgotten… he brings it up quite often. Maybe he needs therapy
Remember being in a NachoFamily (blended family – stepfamily) is a journey, not a Cadillac ride , there will be hills, potholes, flat tires, dead batteries, bad weather and other road hazards… but the sights you will see along the way are priceless!