It’s Not Fair

Oftentimes we hear people say that Nachoing won’t work for them because things won’t be fair. What do you do when things seem unfair between kids in the blend? Can things always be fair? Let’s talk about this.

Fair Parenting

I grew up in a nuclear family, and guess what? Things weren’t always fair! My parents expected me to do better in school than my sisters. Was that fair? Nope! So, why did they treat me differently? Because they knew we were all different individuals. They knew I was more capable of making higher grades. Not that my sisters were ignorant, some people just do better in school than others.

Nachoing And Being Fair

If you are a Nacho stepparent and your partner doesn’t parent their kids the same way you do, is that fair to the kids? Nope. But here’s the thing, they are your kids. Are you going to lower your parenting standards just to make things fair? Will you choose to not make your kids do chores because your significant other doesn’t make their kids do chores? Are you going to allow your kid to stay out later at night because your significant other lets their kid stay out later?

Let’s clarify something. When you are using the Nacho Kids method, you don’t intentionally leave kids out of things. For example, you don’t go buy your kid candy and hand it to them in front of the stepkids and not have anything from the stepkids. That’s not Nachoing, that’s being mean.

Fairness Between The Bio, Step, And “Ours” Kid

What about if you have an “ours” kid. Is it fair to them that the stepkids or the bio kids you had from a previous relationship get two Christmases, two birthdays, etc.? Are you going to give your “ours” kid two parties and celebrate two Christmases? No, of course not. But wait! That’s not fair to your “ours” kid! What about vacations. Your stepkids and your bio kids from a previous relationship more than likely get two vacations. One with each family. But, your “ours” kid doesn’t. So, how are you going to make that fair? Are you going to tell your bio kids and stepkids that you are taking the “ours” kid on their own vacation since they have had one with their other parents?

What About Between Homes

When kids have parents who are not together, things are not always the same between the homes. They may have chores at one home, but not the other. They may have a curfew at one home, but not the other. Wouldn’t that be considered unfair? What are you going to do to make things fair? Are you going to threaten your ex that they better do things the same way you do in the home? If you do, I can assure you that won’t go well. So, whether you like it or not, and whether your kids like it or not, things are not going to be fair between the homes and you can’t control that!

How Do You Explain It To Your Kids

When your kid says, “But it’s not fair that we have chores and they don’t.”, what do you do? How do you respond? It’s actually very simple. You remind them that you are their parent and you choose how to raise them and your partner chooses how to raise their kids. It’s also a good opportunity to explain to them that life won’t always be fair. When they get a job and their manager treats a co-worker better, that’s not going to be fair, but they are going to have to learn to cope with it. There are always going to be things in life your kids don’t view as fair. It’s part of life.