When we created Nacho Kids® and our website in 2013, I wrote blogs, had a “secret” invitation-only Facebook group to help others Nacho, and talked to stepmoms in other groups who were struggling. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be “All-in” until a little later.
I Wasn’t Ready
Very few people know that David, my husband, and I planned to start our podcast not long after we created Nacho Kids. We had everything ready, had recorded a few episodes, and then it died. It didn’t die because we didn’t want to do it, it died because it had to. I wasn’t ready. Something was “off”. I soon realized I was struggling with Post Traumatic Stepmom Disorder – PTSMD. Talking about the stepkids and our story brought up past hurts and resentment. I found myself being “down in the dumps” afterward.
Reading other people’s posts or comments in stepparent Facebook groups, triggered flashbacks and felt the pain all over again. Obviously, I still harbored anger and resentment that I had experienced in the blend prior to Nachoing. I wasn’t ready to rehash those stories, to relive those moments of my life, or to take those trips down memory lane. After all, they were not good stories, moments, or memories.
Being an empath, I will always “share your pain”. I have come to be grateful for this personality trait. My hopes are that by my sharing your pain, it is one less hurt you have to feel. But, the emotions from PTSMD were completely different than feeling empathy. With PTSMD, I vividly recalled instances where we all said hurtful things to each other and truly relived the hurt over and over, in my mind and in my heart. This wasn’t healthy and was preventing me from helping others.
Time To Persevere
I had to take action because I wasn’t ready to give up on the desire to share our story in hopes it would help others. I had to change my thinking, learn how to not let things affect me so much, and learn how to stop the negative thinking that came with talking about our past.
I learned to utilize tools that allowed me to talk about our past and not harbor the pain associated with it. I was able to recognize when my mind wanted to spiral on these thoughts and prevent the spiral. Happy memories started to replace hurtful memories. That’s when I was ready to be “All-in”. I started the closed “Nacho Kids: Blended Family Lifesaver” Facebook group so others could find us and we could help them save their sanity and marriage. Shortly after, the podcast was re-born and the Nacho Kids Academy was created.
It’s Not Just Disengaging
The Nacho Kids method incorporates tools to help stepmoms that are having trouble letting go of the past hurts, resentment, and are experiencing PTSMD. There is so much more to the Nacho Kids method than just the disengaging or stepping back component.