I don’t treat them the same… I don’t treat my NachoKids the same as I do my son. I love them and they know it but they also know that my son is treated differently. Is it right? Is it wrong? It just is. As a NachoMom, I see what the NachoKids do wrong quicker than I see what my son does wrong. For example, if I hear the kids running down the steps. Of course I automatically think it’s the NachoKids. Why is that? I don’t know maybe it’s because there are four of them and only one of mine. So the probability is higher that it’s his kids, right? However, when I come out of the bedroom door like a bat out of Hades, and it’s my sweet baby running down the steps I don’t give him the same look as I do the others. I don’t do it intentionally but I know I do it. To contradict myself completely though, I do feel I am harder on my son and expect him to follow “house rules” and me not have to tell him something a trillion times. But, I like the hubby, don’t always want to be the drill sergeant. I find I am less strict on him right before he goes to his dad’s for every other weekend visitation or right when he comes back. It’s the worry of not wanting your child to want to live with the other parent. It can paralyze us as a parent. At the same time, it can teach your child they can do whatever they want and not have consequences. I’m sure there is a fine line and balance of the two. It’s hard to figure out where that balance is. I want my son to grow up and be an independent, self-sufficient and responsible adult. That’s not going to happen if I never teach him or require him to do chores. He is nine years old and I feel he does well with knowing how to do laundry, dishes, etc. More is expected out of him at his age then were expected out of the NachoKids at that age. I think that’s what bugs me a lot about when hubby says my son didn’t do something right. Part of me wants to reply with, “excuse me but your 13 year old didn’t know how to bag up trash!”… But I don’t… instead I remember that I don’t want my son treated the same. I want him to have more responsibility than the NachoKids did at his age. So, I let it go (most the time). I don’t expect our extended Nacho Family to treat my son the same because I know he is not the same as their “bio family” but it breaks my heart when they don’t treat him the same and his feelings get hurt. And of course I want them to treat him just like they do the others, but it doesn’t always happen. Unfortunately we can’t protect our kids from every pain or even the NachoKids (I don’t want the NachoKids to have their feelings hurt or feel left out) but what we can do is try to help them understand they will constantly experience unfair things in their lives and that doesn’t mean that person doesn’t like or love them. The best thing we can do as a blended family is make a conscious effort to not show favoritism or at least not to rub things in others faces. I try to give my son gifts when the NachoKids are with their mom. Although their mom buys them things, they still get jealous. They don’t realize my son’s father doesn’t buy him things like their mom does. It’s all about perception… I do not like “perception”… that’s a whole other story! To sum it up: Cut yourself slack if you don’t love the NachoKids like your own, truth is, they aren’t yours. You can love them in a different way… the My NachoKids way!
- NKP 011: From Summertime Stepmom to 50/50 Stepmom
- NKP 010: A Stepkid’s View Of Nachoing
- NKP 009: Interview with Kristie Carpenter – “The Blended Family Mom”
- NKP 008: Interview With Tracy Poizner, The Essential Stepmom
- NKP 007: Stepmom Who Couldn’t Be Like Her Stepmom
- NKP 006: Interview with Laura Petherbridge – The Smart Stepmom
- NKP 005: Stepmom With 6 Stepkids and 3 Bio-Kids