As a struggling stepmom, there are things that people say that make us want to scream. Those that say these things usually have no clue the struggles many stepmoms are facing, nor do they care to try to understand. They are living the “rainbows and unicorns” blended life and think you are horrible for not being like them. Don’t let them make you feel bad, and ignore them if they say these things. They obviously don’t know any better and haven’t read this blog.

Here is a list of ten things you should never say to a struggling stepmom:

  1. “You knew what you were getting into.”  – Nope, we didn’t.
  2. “You knew what you signed up for when you got involved with a man with kids. They are a package deal.” – Yes we knew he had kids, but not little demons.
  3. “If you don’t love his kids, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him.” – We didn’t date or marry his kids! You can’t force yourself or anyone else to love another person.
  4. “It’s your job to take care of his kids.” – No, it’s not. It’s the stepmom’s job to help her husband, not take over his parenting roles.
  5. “How dare you not love them like your own!” – It’s ok to not love them like your own, because they aren’t yours!
  6. “You shouldn’t take family pictures without your stepkids.” – This is ridiculous. Take many different shots with different “groups”. You shouldn’t be judged for wanting pics of just you, your significant other, and your kids together without the stepkids. Just don’t completely leave them out.
  7. “You are ruining the stepkids lives by not being a mother to them.” – No, you’re not. They have a mother, and you aren’t it.
  8. “You married him to help raise his kids.” – No, you married him to be his partner, not to parent his kids.
  9. “You knew he had kids when you married him, so you’ll always be second.” – Yes, you knew he had kids, but no, you aren’t second, you are newer. His kids are important and should be a priority, but it’s not a competition.
  10. “What if it was your kid? What would you do?” – It’s not your kid. You can’t compare the two. They have a mom and have a dad, they don’t need a third parent. Leave decisions up to the bio parents. That’s their job.
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