Definition of “Nachoing”:
People often ask, what is Nachoing? The Facebook response is usually “Nacho Kids, Nacho Problem.” Well, not quite. The stepkids can definitely be a problem for you. It’s “Nacho Kids, Nacho Responsibility”. The stepkids are not the responsibility of the stepmom/stepparent.
The Nacho Kids method is a philosophy and methodology for blended families that consists of proven techniques and strategies, the psychology of human interaction, the mind, personalities, personal life experiences, and a track record of positive client results.
“Nachoing” as it is often referred to as, or using the Nacho Kids method, is stepping back from situations that cause you and/or your blended relationship stress and realizing when you feel you have “no control” you actually have the ultimate control. And that is how you let it affect you.
Nachoing is to:
- Treat the stepkid as you would a friend’s kid.
- Allow the bio parent to parent of their own kid as they deem fit.
- Not engaging in negative and unhealthy interaction with the stepkids.
- Act as a babysitter in the absence of the bio parent.
- Say nothing about, or to, the stepkids unless it’s sheer praise.
- Remove the target off your back and no longer being the “bad guy”.
- Have no interaction with your significant other’s ex (the other bio parent).
- Let go of the things you cannot control and realize the ultimate control is to control how you let these things affect you.
- Help the stepkid if they ask you for help. That help can be by responding with “Go Ask Your Dad”.
A breakdown of the Nacho Kids method:
- Understanding you are not their mom legally, biologically, nor through osmosis or a genie in a bottle. They have a mom, and a dad, you are neither.
- Learning how to step back from the chaos.
- Identifying your personal triggers, the roots of those triggers, and how to avoid/cope with “unhealthy” interaction.
- Understanding why the blend is so hard and how even our minds play against the blend being successful.
- Focusing on your blended relationship or marriage, not the stepkids or your significant other’s ex.
- Being supportive of your significant other in their parenting role. It’s their job to parent. It’s your job to be their partner.
- Creating the “stepparent” role that works best for you and your blended family.
- Re-engaging with the stepkids in the role you specifically designed to fit your blend!