We are often asked if you can Nacho one stepkid and not the other(s). The answer: Yes, you can!!
Why Not All
Some stepparents just bond better with certain stepkids and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s because of the ages of the kids. And sometimes it’s because the bio mom has convinced one kid how horrible you are as a stepparent, but the other kid doesn’t believe it because they see you differently.
With my having four stepsons, I had plenty of choices. One of the stepkids didn’t really interact with me at all, so I didn’t need to Nacho him. I guess he was already Nachoing me! He did, however, take great offense to me telling them to brush their teeth pre-nacho, even though I didn’t specifically say his name.
Nacho À la carte
One of the triplets was my biggest problem, and the other two just seemed to follow his lead. So I had to full-blown nacho supreme the triplets. I did not engage in conversation with them unless absolutely necessary. If they asked me something, my response was, “Go ask your dad.” Remember, Nachoing is not being rude to them, it’s just not engaging in anything that can result in negative interaction.
As Time Passes
Over time, I was able to start re-engaging and it was different with each one of them. So I was still nacho supreme with one stepkid, while I was nacho light with another, and wasn’t nachoing the other two.
Nachoing is fluid. You may start to re-engage and realize they are not ready or you are not ready, so you step back again. Don’t force the re-engagement process, let it happen naturally. There were days after I re-engaged with all of them that one of them just came over with a bad attitude… Guess what? Yep, I nacho’d him until he changed his attitude.
Don’t Do This
I do want to add, you never want to make a kid feel purposefully left out. So, please don’t bring McDonald’s home for the stepkid you aren’t nachoing and not bring it for the one you are. That’s just mean and asking to be the “evil stepmom” and putting the target on you again.