When you are disengaging, you don’t have to Nacho everything. Just Nacho the things that cause you stress. If you don’t mind cooking dinner for the family, then continue to do so. However, if the dishes left over from cooking and eating anger you, then you may want to consider cooking. You have to identify the things that annoy you. Once you identify these, you can focus on ways to prevent them. Be proactive, not reactive.
A Nacho must for me: The upstairs! I do not go upstairs very often. That’s where the stepkids’ bedrooms, play room, and bathroom are. Why do I not go up there? You might have guessed it. Probably a good chance you guessed it. It’s because when I go up there, I get angry. I see the mess and get mad.
I get mad at the stepkids for not cleaning up their rooms, I get mad at my hubby because he hasn’t made them clean up. If I see it, it’s hard for me to Nacho the mess, so I don’t go up there. What’s the point? So, by not going up there, I don’t see the “trigger”. Yes, I know it’s there but it’s not in “my face”. And I know hubby goes up there periodically to ensure there’s no food, rodents, or skanks up there occasionally, but I only go up there at Christmas time to get decorations.
Some people will think, “Hey lady, that’s your house too and there’s no sense in you not going upstairs because of the mess. Make them youngin’s clean it up!!” Well you see, this lady has fought enough fights to know I’d just rather not go upstairs. You may not be able to control the stepkids cleaning, but you can control avoiding things that cause these “triggers”.
You do know what a trigger is? It’s when something just gripes your butt beyond belief. You can go from being happy happy joy joy feeling to outraged in .000028 seconds flat. I know a few of my triggers are: the upstairs, spaghetti slurping, empty cereal boxes… just to name a few. What are you triggers? What can you do to prevent them?
Don’t waste energy on things that steal you joy.
P.S. I Nacho my son’s bedroom too but, I go in there, it’s just easier to ignore his mess cause he is not my Nacho Kids (is that a double negative?).