Watch Out, You’ll Get Attacked!
In most Facebook groups and in “real life”, stepparents (mainly stepmoms) will be attacked for saying they don’t love their stepkids. If you see a post where a stepmom doesn’t love her stepkids like her own or says she doesn’t like her stepkids, hold on, it’s going to get bumpy! It will be like witnessing a scene from the Salem Witch Trials.
Stop Judging Other Stepmoms!
Blended families don’t have a good chance as it is. Statistically, 72% of stepfamilies don’t survive the blend! Re-read that! 72% fail!! That means only 28% of blended families make it. It’s important to help stepmoms find help with their blend, not judge them for not loving someone else’s kids.
You May Not Need To Nacho… Yet!
If a stepmom came into her blend and bonded with their two-year-old little stepkid, co-parented her well with their significant other, and made friends with the other bio parent – while co-parenting with them as well, that’s awesome and amazing! That is, however, quite rare! This stepmom doesn’t need to Nacho, so they need not worry about it and enjoy their life! Though, once the stepkid hits the teenage years, this same stepmom may find she needs the Nacho Kids method after all!
My Stepkids Hated Me!
My blend wasn’t like the stepmom mentioned above. I won’t bore you with all the details, but I will say, there is a reason I mention the Salem Witch Trials in the beginning of this blog. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if my four stepsons would have tried to burn me at the stake because they hated me so much! It was BAD!
Why The Double Standards?
Let’s look at it from another angle. Why are stepmoms expected to love their stepkids like their own in the first place? They are not their kids! The natural bond that parents form with their kids, is not something that can be replicated. It is one of, if not the strongest bond one will ever have with another. Their biological kids are half of them! Their stepkids are NOT! The stepkids are half of a person the stepparent loves and this person’s ex, whom they most likely don’t care for.
And yet, stepkids can hate the stepmom and it’s not only “ok”, but it’s also to be expected! Stepkids hate their stepparents (stepmoms mostly), and all is “normal”. Stepmom doesn’t like the stepkid, stepmom should be banned to pits of hell or burned at the stake.
It’s okay not to love your stepkids, to not love them like your own, or to not like them at all! Don’t let someone else make you feel like a bad person because you don’t love, or even like, your stepkids!
Can’t Believe I Did It!
I used to despise my stepkids as much as they did me. By using the Nacho Kids method and Nachoing, I found not only the old me I thought I had lost in the blended chaos, but I also found a better me. It wasn’t easy! For me to learn to be able to keep my mouth shut, was truly an astonishing feat! If I can do it, you can. And keeping your mouth shut does not mean you are a doormat. It means you choose what to spend your energy on, and some things just don’t meet the criteria.
My Role Is Not To Parent Someone Else’s Kids!
My role as a stepmom is not to be a mother type to them or to parent them. I am their Dad’s wife, an extension of him. That’s what my role is.
Didn’t See That Coming!
My relationship with the stepkids improved dramatically over time with my Nachoing. They quit treating me like hired help when they realized I wasn’t required to do anything for them, because I was not their parent. Now they appreciate what I do for them and know they can trust me. We even grew to love each other in our own ways. Not like they love their dad and not like I love my son. I don’t even love all of them the same, but I grew to love them.
You Are Not Alone
You are not alone, you are not a bad person, and you are not less than because you don’t love your stepkids. Many stepparents are afraid to admit this because of the backlash they get. Don’t be afraid, find your tribe that understands!
The one place I can assure you that you will not get attacked for feeling this way is the Nacho Kids: Blended Family Lifesaver Facebook group. We may be your tribe! And if you don’t feel comfortable sharing things on Facebook because of privacy concerns, look into joining the Nacho Kids Academy where there is an anonymous community forum, along with video courses, Q & A coaching calls, and monthly challenges!
#NachoKids #Nachoing #Nacho