Watch Out, You’ll Get Attacked!
In most Facebook groups and in “real life”, stepparents (mainly stepmoms) will be attacked if they say they don’t love their stepkids. If you see a post where a stepmom doesn’t love her stepkids like her own or says she doesn’t like her stepkids, hold on, it’s about to get bumpy! It will be like witnessing a scene from the Salem Witch Trials.
Stop Being Judgmental!
Blended families don’t have a good chance as it is. Statistically, 72% of stepfamilies don’t survive the blend! Re-read that! 72% fail!! That means only 28% of blended families make it. It’s important to help stepmoms find help with their blend, not to judge them for not loving someone else’s kids.
You May Not Need To Nacho… Yet!
If a stepmom came into her blend and bonded with their two-year-old little stepkid, co-parented well with their significant other, and made friends with the other bio parent – while co-parenting with them as well, that’s awesome and amazing! That is, however, quite rare! The stepmom in this situation doesn’t need to Nacho, so she need not worry about it and enjoy their life! Though, once the stepkid hits the teenage years, this same stepmom may find she needs the Nacho Kids method after all!
My Stepkids Hated Me!
My blend doesn’t even come close to that of the stepmom mentioned above. I won’t bore you with all the details, but I will say, there is a reason I mention the Salem Witch Trials at the start of this blog. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if my four stepsons would have tried to burn me at the stake because they hated me so much! It was bad! Actually, the term “bad” doesn’t come close to properly describe our blend, disastrous is a better word to describe it.
Why The Double Standards?
Let’s look at it from another angle. Why are stepmoms expected to love their stepkids like their own in the first place? They are not their kids! The natural bond that parents form with their kids, cannot be completely replicated. It is one of, if not the strongest bond one will ever have with another. Their biological kids are half of them! Their stepkids are NOT! The stepkids are half of a person the stepparent loves and half this person’s ex, whom they most likely don’t care for.
It’s not only okay for the stepkids to hate their stepmom, but it’s also to be expected! Stepkids can say they hate their stepparents (stepmoms mostly), and all is “normal”. But if a stepmom doesn’t like their stepkid, others think the stepmom should be banned to pits of hell or burned at the stake.
It’s okay not to love your stepkids, to not love them like your own, or to not like them at all! Don’t let someone else make you feel like a bad person because you don’t love, or even like, your stepkids!
Can’t Believe I Did It!
I used to despise my stepkids as much as they did me. Thankfully the Nacho Kids method and Nachoing, allowed me to not only find the old me I thought I had lost in the blended chaos, but it helped to create a better me. It took time and work, but it changed my life so much for the better! For me to learn to be able to keep my mouth shut, that truly is a tremendous feat! If I can do it, you can too! And to keep your mouth shut does not mean you are a doormat. It means you choose what to spend your energy on, and some things just don’t meet the criteria.
My Role Is Not To Parent Someone Else’s Kids!
My role as a stepmom is not to be a mother type to the stepkids or to parent them. Instead, I am their Dad’s wife, an extension of him. That’s what my role is.
Didn’t See That Coming!
The Nacho Kids method helped to dramatically improve my relationship with the stepkids over time. As a matter of fact, they no longer treated me like hired help when they realized I was not required to do anything for them because I was not their parent. Instead, they learned to appreciate what I did for them. We even grew to love each other in our own ways. Not like they love their dad and not like I love my son. I don’t even love all of them the same, but I grew to love them.
You’re Not The Only One!
You are not alone, you are not a bad person, and you are not less than because you don’t love your stepkids. Due to the backlash they would no doubt receive, many stepparents are afraid to admit how they truly feel in regards to their relationship with their stepkids. Don’t be afraid, find your tribe that understands!
A Safe Place!
The one place I can assure you that you will not get attacked for openly stating that you don’t like or love your stepkids is in the “Nacho Kids: Blended Family Lifesaver Facebook” group. And who knows, we may be your tribe! And, if you don’t feel comfortable talking about your journey on Facebook because of privacy concerns look into the Nacho Kids Academy where there is an anonymous community forum, along with a large library of video courses, live Q & A coaching calls, and monthly challenges!
#NachoKids #Nachoing #Nacho