Depending on your situation, you may have moved into the Nacho Kids’ house with their Biological Mother or Biological Father, or they may have moved into your house. Personally, I believe this has a great impact on the issues you may have and your reaction to them. This will be discussed in detail in a later blog. Anyway,…
I guess it took about … hmmmm… 3 weeks before I was sitting on the front porch wondering what in the world did I do marrying this man with kids??? I was tired of hearing how this was their house, how my son couldn’t participate in certain activities because that’s not how it used to be. I felt like my son was being bullied and there was not a whole lot I could do about it. I was worried that I had made the biggest mistake of my life and my son was paying the price by being told he doesn’t fit in, he can’t participate, them picking on him, etc. I wanted to go back in time and be back at my house with my kid, my rules, my traditions and my SANITY! I remember going to the bathroom and crying because I heard one of the kids tell my son nobody wanted us there. It didn’t bother me as much they didn’t want me there, but to tell my baby (he’s not a baby, by the way) he isn’t wanted somewhere… how dare you!
Over time, I realized this bothered me a whole lot more than it did my son. He would rather sit there with the new siblings and be “bullied” than be taken away from them. I overcame that instance and several more, but I’m not going to lie… there have been several more “What was I thinking” moments. And moments where I wanted to warn everyone I knew not to marry someone with kids. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops… Save your sanity, don’t do it! LOL
Not that I think I have seen the last of those moments, but I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking I found a man that I loved, he was a good dad, he was a Godly man, he was smart, etc. and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and that I knew he would be a good influence on my son – Which he has been and continues to be. My son adores him! But I was also thinking that my son would have siblings to play with instead of being an only child, he would have a family structure (which he had never had) and he would have more people to love and be loved by.
Now I struggle with … are they being brotherly to him when they pick on him or are they just being mean. It is definitely hard to decipher. I know he loves his siblings and refers to them as his family (not step-family) and also their grandparents., which he also refers to as his grandparents. His biological grandparents have little contact with him so it fills my heart with love to hear him talk about his PawPaw making him something.
To him, this is his family. This is what he remembers… he was 4 years old when we got married, so his “just mommy and me days” he doesn’t recall that well. It is my responsibility to work for the success of our “blended family” for many reasons, but one being, this IS my son’s family. I don’t want him to think when things get tough, we just leave… or make others leave. That is our home as well as theirs. I want him to have as much of a “normal family” as he can. “Normal family” is an entirely different blog for sure… I had the “normal family” growing up and found that normal = dysfunctional. 🙂