To help you better understand Nachoing, here is a list of the Do’s and Don’ts of Nachoing. Not all of these apply to everyone, but it is a good basis to start. For example, if you and your significant other’s ex get along great, you don’t need to nacho them. The same with pick-ups and drop-offs, if they don’t cause you to stress, then you don’t need to nacho that. Remember, you nacho the things that cause you and your blend stress. And some of these are age relevant, so use common sense.

There are many other things that can be added to these lists based on your specific needs. For example, I didn’t cook for my stepkids because they always complained about my cooking, so my significant other would cook when his kids were here.


When you are Nachoing, you DO:

  1. Remember to be civil and kind with your words.
  2. Give the stepkids praises.
  3. Enjoy your alone time while the bio spends some alone time with their kids.
  4. Treat the stepkids as you would a friend’s kids.
  5. Start each day with a clean slate.
  6. Think before you speak.
  7. Care for the needs of the stepkids if the bio parent isn’t available.
  8. Walk away from the situation when you feel yourself getting upset.
  9. Assist your significant other when they need help or they ask for it.
  10. Focus on positive things!
  11. Refer all things concerning your significant other to your significant other in relation to their kids. Ex. Stepmom would say “Your dad said…”
  12. Let your significant other have privacy when dealing with their kids and their kid’s other bio parent.

When you are Nachoing, you DON’T:

  1. Parent or discipline the stepkid.
  2. Pick up after the stepkid.
  3. Nag the stepkid to do chores.
  4. Harp on the stepkid to do their homework.
  5. Interact with the stepkid unless it’s positive engagement.
  6. Become involved in conversations about the stepkid unless asked, and then you do so non-judgmentally.
  7. Engage with the other bio parent.
  8. Do drop-offs or pickups of the stepkids without your significant other.
  9. Tell your significant other how to parent their kid or how they aren’t parenting their kid.
  10. Tell your significant other everything the stepkid does wrong.
  11. Get upset when your significant other doesn’t parent or discipline their kid like you think they should.
  12. Complain about the stepkid.
  13. Attend functions the stepkid doesn’t want you to attend.
  14. Neglect the stepkid’s needs.
  15. Call the stepkid names.
  16. Holler or curse at the stepkid.

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