The NachoKids theory is not saying to be mean, disrespectful, insensitive, etc. to your step kids. It’s just the opposite. It’s to help you learn a different approach or a different concept to disengaging. It’s to help you not go bug your husband with everything the kids do that annoys you. It’s to let your husband raise his kids the way he thinks they should be raised. After all, you weren’t there when the decision to bring them into the world was made, it was his decision and it is his right and his job to raise his kids. NachoKids is not to disrespect him or the kids. There are situations where the NachoKids theory probably wouldn’t work but maybe parts of the theory could. No blended family is the same, we are similar in ways, but there are so many variations and factors involved.
Like I said in our NachoKids Really?!?! blog, https://nachokids.com/nacho-kids-really/, I thought the counselor was crazy when he kept telling me “Not your kids”. It took me a while to see his point. You have to be open to the idea or it definitely won’t work. You have to change your thought process and habits, which are not easy, but you can do it and it’s so worth it!
Here is a scenario of what the first few weeks of practicing the NachoKids theory from my viewpoint:
I hear the kids hollering at each other and fussing. Normally I would have gotten involved and put myself in the middle of it by asking what was going on. Instead, I walk outside and sit there for a few minutes. My husband hears the ruckus and goes to see what’s going on. I’ve always said men have a 30 delay in answering questions, I think the same is true when they respond to things with the kids, but more like a 3 minute delay. I realize his tolerance for his kids and loud noises in the house is a lot higher than mine because he’s always had four kids; but he does eventually hear it and respond. It is normal for you to pay notice the behaviors of other’s kids quicker than your own especially if they are loud, disrespectful, etc. So, if I sit there and it continues, I will go to my husband and say “I wonder what they are doing up there.” or “Man, they are off the chain.” That’s his cue to calm the situation down before I get frustrated and it escalates. LOL
Another scenario of practicing the NachoKids theory. You walk in from work and within minutes you hear “When’s dinner?” or “What’s for dinner?”. Some days this is not an issue but pre-NachoKids theory I would respond with, “If you are going to bug us about dinner, you fix it!” So, pre-NachoKids, I would have responded that way. During the start of practicing this concept, my response to this was to either say “go ask your dad” or if dad was standing there I would go take my happy butt and pile up in the bed and watch House Hunters International. House Hunters International became my escape for the first several weeks… maybe months. It probably still would be but I think I’ve seen every episode… every one!
As people, we have moments. Good moments, bad moments, sad moments, angry moments, etc. I just refuse to use my moments disciplining his kids and my living up to the wicked step mother wrap. I still have those times when I will say things to them but they are few and far between. It’s so much better this way, I no longer feel like I’m policing his kids or causing friction trying to be a third, unwanted and unneeded parent. I feel like cool NachoMom!